The Merry Cemetery of… Suceava
The funeral cortege ambled with grief carved deeply into the faces of the mourners. Yielded to sorrow, every heart beats slower to match the rhythm of the hearse. Is there any point in a eulogy now, when the ever-present, but seldomly acknowledged futility of man looms on the horizon, forcing us into acquiescence? We all seem part of an archaic, arcane ritual, offering sacrifices to the ever-hungry grave so that we apease him, so that people can die tomorrow too… Then, suddenly, through all the sobbings and gloomy murmurs echoes a dissonant cry, but it’s not a sad one. No, it’s a joyous one, as if someone were laughing. But not any laughter. No, it’s an Cartman-in-With-Apologies-to-Jesse-Jackson-ish laughter, a convulsive, cosmic one.
Unfortunately, this is only a make-belief situation. Albeit a very possible one, provided the opportunity of a stroll through the Suceava Cemetery. Just like in the Simpsons, a guy selling hot dogs and popcorn for the general entertainment would not be very misplaced. Hilarious tombstones, statues or inscriptions are bound to give you a good time. Luckily I had my camera, to give you a glimpse of what I am talking about.
Here we have the Samba-Jesus, a depiction of the costume Jesus used for the Rio Carnival (5 days before the Last Supper). The bananas on his head have unfortunately faded away, but you can still notice the exquisite bathing suit used solely for this ocasion.
After the trend of buying terrain on the Moon or buying stars, it seems that eternity itself can be purchased. For the right price of course. The only inconvenient is that they run on a first come, first served basis. So 140 other lucky guys have beaten this one to buying their share of immortality. I wonder if the retailers give discounts?
Here’s someone who surely has had a problem coping with the afterlife. I understand you’re having a hard time admitting you’re dead, but must you wish for my death too? Perhaps we should get Bruce Willis to film The Sixths Sense part two, and intersperse the drama with some Diana Malos trivia.
Squash-the-Angel, version 1.0. An early game, it did not have 3d graphics, as you can see. An interesting feature is the parallel allignment of the wings, suggesting either getting run over by a monster truck (slightly improbable) or a collision with a speeding plane (a claim with a far more sustainable basis)
Now, the ultimate masterpiece, providing the final dethroning of the Merry Cemetery of Sapanta. Two more RIP-plates were nailed to the same bench, as a gruesome invitation to rest upon it.. at your own risk.
Finally, a typical second grade essay ending, quite suitable for this post: “What a great time we had in the cemetery!”
